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Top Ten Breakup Songs for the Empty Shell of a Person (Part 1)

Most of us have experienced the crushing blow of finding out that that special someone doesn’t want to be around you anymore. They finally realized that you breathe through your mouth, smell weird after a full day, and/or bite your nails like you haven’t eaten in days. Perhaps it’s an incompatibility issue, such as they wanted babies and you think they look like mini human deformities. WHO KNOWS MAN? What I do know for sure is that nothing heals an ailing heart quite like the perfect breakup song. So let’s throw on the sweatpants, eat an entire pizza to our face, and wallow together for a moment.

10.  Failure: Stuck on You

Off of the album, Fantastic Planet, this song captures the pain of having a person’s “midrange moan” stuck in your head. It’s hard not to repeatedly think of the person who considers you yesterday’s garbage, and this song will help you feel less alone as you obsess over their every detail during sleepless nights.


9.  The Cure: Pictures of You

This classic agonizes over the coulda shoulda wouda’s of a failed relationship. If only you remembered to wash the dishes that one time, or maybe if you just TRIED to appreciate Buffy the Vampire Slayer they wouldn’t have found your face so annoying. All you can do now is stare at old pictures and wear a lot of black to reflect the darkness that is your soul.

the cure

8.  Cursive: From the Hips

Maybe the problem in your relationship was from all the jibber jabbering between the two of you. If you had just stuck to the bedroom and sexed each other up without all that pesky conversation, things could have worked out. Cursive agrees with this sentiment in From the Hips. “We’re at our worst when it’s from our lips. From our lips, we caused a rift and the world is falling in.” The next time a potential mate starts talking about their hopes and dreams just place a finger over the mouth and whisper, “Shhh. Take off your pants.”


7.  Superchunk: The First Part

The album, Foolish, covers the many stages of a relationship doomed to end. This song discusses the first stage where you relish the “whispered phrases and emotions” for these are the moments that will inevitably haunt you after that someone is long gone. Sure, you could call it cynical, but you could also call it living in the moment. Your date will probably call it creepy.


6.  All: She’s My Ex

All’s She’s My Ex examines the part of the breakup where you realize no one else will ever be able to fill their heart-stomping shoes. No one else could possible laugh at your jokes, like the same music, and touch that secret spot behind your knee like they could. They were an enigma and you’re doomed to be forever lonely with a million cat friends. This song is the perfect accompaniment to those thoughts until someone informs you that there are over 7 billion people in the world. “Really? Oh then screw that person. They smelled like cheese anyway.”




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